How do you know when it's over?

[Becky]

I'm not sure I love Roger any more. If I do still love him, I know it's a lot less than when I married him. I love Zachary with all of my heart, but sometimes I think it would be a lot easier if he wasn't here. I wouldn't feel so horrible for not wanting to be at home if it was just me and Roger. My parents keep bugging me for when we are going to have another child, but I don't have the heart to tell them that I don't want to bring another child into this home, it wouldn't be fair to him or her, it's not fair to Zachary now. It's just not a happy home.

[southernmama]

Make a list, the reasons why you married and then look and see if those reasons are still there. Sometimes it is a rough patch people go through. Love changes, especially once you have children. Your love for your husband may just be different then when you first married and you are worried is it still love...pray

[Becky]

Thanks Donna . I know I still love him because I was still really hurt with what he said/did over the weekend, I guess if I didn't love him I really wouldn't have cared. My mom said we should go to counseling, or at least me so I would know how to react to him better, but I know he would never go, and I'm a little nervous about doing something like that. I know I really have to pray about it all.

[moochelle]

Becky,

I know what you are feeling. I went through this after my second son was born, in fact I made a really stupid life changing decision during that time. I beg of you give it a little time, I agree with Donna make a list. Try to dwell on all his positives right now. Maybe if you sat down with him and told him how you are feeling and that you would like to go to counseling he would be willing to go with you. I will pray for you. I know that this is a hard thing to go through.

[victoria]

Becky



The others said some good things. Having been married for over 13 years I will say it is very hard at times. I was young when I married and Mark was the first person I ever dated. (I wasnt allowed to date as a teen)

Anyhow as others said, your love and relationship will change and sometimes it feels it is worse or not as strong, and that is ok. I think we have all felt that at one time or another.

Have you ever read the book "the power of a praying wife" by Stormie Ormartian? I highly recommend that book. It was a marraige saver for me!

Prayer, prayer and more prayer is my recommendation as well as counseling if you feel that is the road to take.

Victoria

[Sam]

Becky
Have you visited Focus on the family's webpage www.family.org/ it has some great rescources on marriage and family life. They also have focus on your child that is one of my favorite sites to visit.

[Becky]

Thank you everyone It was a better day yesterday. I just can't stand it when we get this way. I think I will look into that book Victoria, I know I've seen it before and thought about getting it.

I'll have to check out those web sites Sam, thanks!

[connorsmommy]

Becky I just wanted to say I am so sorry you even have to question things like that.
I know Robbie and I have had alot of rough times and even the other day- I just wanted to leave. I even had packed a bag.
I agree with making a list and counseling. Stay positve and know i am here for ya

[Becky]

Thanks Denise I know I've felt the same way you did, and you guys have been through a lot more than we have been. I'm here for you also!

[connorsmommy]

Becky I am glad to know I have found such a good friend like you. I hate it that either one of use have to face the things we do. How are things?

[Becky]

They are going better. I've really watched how I say things to him, which I think has helped, and he has watched how he has said certain things also. I know part of the problem was that it was a holiday. We have yet to have a good holiday together, and I don't think we ever will until he writes off his family.

[connorsmommy]

Does he see that also or just thinks you are over reacting or something? I know when robbie and first got together hs mother didnt like it at all. She lived with him. I was in the hospital shortly after I had moved in and she had moved out, by her own choice may I add- and we had asked her to watch is kids and she told me that she really didnt have time and the Robbie needed to get his priortites in order and that I wasnt one of them. We were already engaged to be married and she said this!! It was hard on us but Robbie finnaly realized what she was doing and didnt talk to her for a while till she apoligized for what she said and he layed donw some ground rules-- That was in 03-04- Things are better but I just do what I have to to get by with her if you know what I mean.

[Becky]

Well, he knows they are horrible people (his mother used to lock him in his room for a week at a time, he wasn't even allowed to use the bathroom, and she tried to kill him once), and his grandmother is just a mean woman. He knows we shouldn't be around them, but he says "they're my family, they are all I have"--huh

[connorsmommy]

There are all he has?? WTHeck - you are his family and so is his son-- Even the bible states that your wife is your family first- after God- Man I hate to hear that about how is family was to him- I can only imiagine how you must feel with all of this- Do they have much to do with Zach?

[Becky]

connorsmommy said:

There are all he has?? WTHeck - you are his family and so is his son

I know, I try telling him that. He has a fear that I'll leave him for some reason, and then my family won't be his family anymore (my parents and him are really close).

As for them seeing Zach, only when we go out to see them, which thankfully isn't a lot. I will never let Roger and Zach go out there with out me though. YIKES! That would be a scary thought.