|
|
Post by southernmama on Mar 21, 2007 8:08:01 GMT -5
I am having trouble forgiving my BIL, he is dh's brother and his wife is not just a SIL to me but my best friend. He left her for another woman. Left his wife and kids, we have been helping her with the kids. babysitting and stuff. I have been very angry at him. Not only for hurting my best friend but what he has done to the children.
He has now moved back home and they are trying to work things out. I am standing by SIL with whatever decision she makes. I am praying for them.
I just need to pray and find a way to forgive him myself. We have always done things together with both families. So I will be seeing him. I find myself filled with such anger towards him. Does anyone have advice how I can lose this anger?
Thanks
|
|
|
|
Post by victoria on Mar 21, 2007 9:11:21 GMT -5
Wow, what a difficult situation. Prayer, lots and lots of prayer. I have a close friend who just went though forgiveness. Growing up her brother had sexually molested her. She had never forgave him for that. Besides the effects of the abuse, the lack of forgiveness effected her daily life. She said lots and lots of prayer and a true heart of forgiveness is what enabled her to talk with him and tell him she truly forgave him. She said a huge cloud lifted. She knew one existed, but didn't know its effects until it was gone.
I have researched any, but there may be some good books out there on forgiveness and helping with that.
On another note, it's wonderful that your friend has someone like you standing by her to support her. I am sure you have been a wonderful blessing to her.
Victoria
|
|
|
|
Post by southernmama on Mar 21, 2007 9:29:17 GMT -5
I have found myself avoiding calling her house when I know he is home in case he answers. He always talks to whoever calls and it is always with a "Poor me" attitude. I am afraid if I call and he answers he will start this with me and I will lose my temper and let him have it. That would cause a strain between me and SIL.
Right now I just listen to her talk and give her my support. I don't know if she has made the right decision. But it is not my place to judge her. (Though I have wanted to shake her very hard..LOL)
|
|
|
|
Post by victoria on Mar 21, 2007 10:09:07 GMT -5
Again what a tough situation. I will be  that God give you direction as how to deal with this situation and to give you clear guidance and strength. ~Victoria |
|
|
|
Post by Becky on Mar 21, 2007 11:03:11 GMT -5
Right now I just listen to her talk and give her my support. I think this is the best thing you can do for her right now. A friend of mine went throught this same thing. Her husband travels a lot to China for work, and he came back from a trip one day and said he was leaving her, he met a Chinese woman and she was coming to the US to marry him. It turned out that the woman just wanted to use him so she could get a visa (which we all pretty much figured out). Anyways, it took quite a few months of talking with our pastor and going to counseling to get their marriage back on track. But they've been even happier since then. I'll pray that your sil and bil can repair the damage, and continue with a great marriage. As far as talking with your brother in law, I'm natoreous for holding grudges  . But after I talk curtly to someone for a couple of times, I tend to get back to normal with them. I hope you are able to talk to your bil soon! |
|
|
|
Post by kellys2angels on Mar 21, 2007 12:59:34 GMT -5
Wow Donna, I am sure that must be hard with sil being your best friend. DH and I are teaching a marriage class at church right now and there is a couple who is going through a similar situation. He had an affair, actually got the girl pregnant, and now they are trying to reconcile. The baby is in their lives, so everytime she sees the child (even though I know that it is not the babies fault in any way) she is reminded of his sin.
One word I guess that I could give you (and definitely please realize I know that it is easier said than done), is to remember that God will forgive him, so what right do we really have to remain angry. Like I said, I know that is very hard, but if she is willing to try to reconcile with him, then jump on the bandwagon and give them your support, they will need all that they can get, because every where they turn in the "world", she will be told to leave him. KWIM?
|
|
|
|
Post by southernmama on Mar 22, 2007 7:41:57 GMT -5
I am praying hard about this. SIL called last night to complain about the "other" woman calling her house and such. Seems BIL is just avoiding the girl. He doesn't want to deal with her he said....
I don't know what to say to SIL when she says this ya know?
I am praying God will give me the right words to say. I am praying they will work things out and have a stronger relationship from this.
|
|
|
|
Post by Becky on Mar 22, 2007 7:46:44 GMT -5
for God to give you the words that you need 
|
|
. But after I talk curtly to someone for a couple of times, I tend to get back to normal with them. I hope you are able to talk to your bil soon! 
